gloomy woomy

Gatau mau nulis dimana, cuma kayaknya ini kayaknya tempat paling aman buat gue menulis, gue ga akan tau siapa yang liat dan orang juga ga begitu tau alamat blog gue, hahahah.

udah cukup lama gue ga nulis2 disini. so far, belom ada yg memotivasi gue buat menjadi seseorang yg lebih berguna. paling ga gue mulai mengurus hidup gue sendiri, pinter2 ngatur duit since I have many spare time dan kesempatan buat pergi kemana2. ga kayak dulu.

well, here it goes..

ada setiap suatu saat gue merasa kayak kosong, gloomy, mendung aja rasanya, sedih2 ga jelas. labil, i know. setiap orang pasti punya masa2 labilnya, ga pandang umur dan gender, ga bisa munafik lo pasti punya masa2 labil pada saat2 tertentu. saat ini gue merasakan hal itu dan apa ya, gue mikir aja, kita ini terdiri dari jasad dan roh, kalo perasaan ditentukan oleh roh, kenapa jasad kita yang ngerasain? kenapa bisa ada yang namanya sakit hati? kenapa kalo kita kecewa atau sedih, dada kita sakit? kayak ada yg neken, kenapa kita nangis? kenapa jasad kita ikut ber-empati sama apa yang kita rasakan? kenapa ga ada obat sakit hati? I know my complains are sooooooo cheesy and 'labil' ya, cuma ga ada manusia yang ketawa2 setiap saat. there must be ups and downs in your life.

ada hal-hal yang gue rasakan, yang kadang orang sekitar gue ga bisa mengerti. I do count those little things yang sebenernya menurut orang lain itu adalah hal yang sepele, tapi kadang2 menurut gue justru itu titik pelengkapnya. gue orang yang perasa, cukup peka sama hal2 yang kadang2 janggal, kadang2 terlalu berlebihan beranggapan, cuma ya bisa apa gue, buat bisa diterima means 'boleh berbeda, cuma jangan sampe melewati batas kenormalan'. Orang kita belom bisa menerima keanehan yang cukup besar dan sebenernya gue cukup concern sama hal2 yang begitu.

kayaknya gue udah cukup meluapkan keluh kesah perasaan gue saat ini. i'm currently listening to Jason Reeves's Old Fashion Letter, cukup sedih lagunya, mendukung perasaan gue yg cukup gloomy sekarang.

move + ing

wah udah lama banget gue ga update ini blog, kelamaan malah, it's not that i forgot or anything, i just dont have anything proper to write, hehe. okay let's see here hmmm I got bunch of stories to tell, just doesnt know which one which i have to tell first. lets start with this

1. College
well, what do you know, studying psychology is not as fun as u think it would be. banyak yang harus dibaca dan dipahami. so many slides yang harus gue rangkum, and it aint easy. most of them pake bahasa indonesia sih, but still 2 words would make a weird vocab that hard to understand hhhhhh. o yeah, i got some new friends namanya demia sama acha, they're nice kok. but still they wont be compared to my alpusian, for god sake I miss my alpusian, oh okay, lets talk about them now

2. The past, The present, Hell with tomorrow
okay I admit it, having an 'ga tentu' schedule is sama sekali ga enak, ga sama sekali sih, ada enaknya juga, cuma ya gitu lah, rasanya kayak lebih ga keatur aja, kebiasaan diatur di sekolah, sekolah jam 7 pulang sore and so on seems tempting. gue kangen sama temen2 sekolah gue, I dont know how ya tapi kayaknya tiap anak di sekolah udah di cetak pola pikirnya jadi sama, jadi nyambung2 aja jadi setiap sekolah punya pola pikir beda2 dan akhirnya tiap kita pindah ke lingkungan baru, kita bakal susah nyamain pola pikir lagi sama orang2. hmmm, just something that came out.

gue kangen banget sama temen2 sekolah gue nih kan, but thank god gue dikasih buat sering ketemuan kan. so everything going smooth, ga ada rasa kangen2an, ya cuma ke beberapa orang paling, but the rest seems just fine.

well what do u have left to tell here, hmm lets see.. apa ya.. nothing new except since I have so many loose schedule gue bisa pergi kemana2 nyoba apa2 and i have tried this pizza place called pizza e birra and trust me I highly recommend it! nice view, great food and friendly waiters.

okay, off to surf the net now, ttyl!

currently listening to: Sondre Lerche's new album called 'Heartbeat Radio'

dear gadis

and so now you're leaving dear my good friend, this is not a poetic letter. you might not read it anyway, its been like what? 3 years since i've known you? all about you and your life, not your lovelife, not very interested though. hahahahah. but you do know what to share. it's been fun goin out with you like we used to do back then, all the chat and the argues that I let you win or you just keep yourself in that rock headed of yours. I wrote you something on your blackberry notes, in case you havent read it, i describe what was goin on around me when I wrote it, so you might remember what you left for couple of years later.

and right now, it's 11.34pm, its sunday and I just got home from vania's farewell party, and indeed u dont make any farewell, u said ur going to be sad or something. i'm sad that ure leaving soon, but im used to not having you around anymore now. we dont talk a lot anymore now, maybe your just too busy minding your own life. you have been blown away having a new boyfriend now, but its okay. I'm listening to justin timberlake right now and I remembered how good was your taste in music, most of them match me, and I think you like my taste of music too, you like to borrow my ipod anyway. i wanted to make you something that might remember you of me, of everyone else that u left here, ur friends and the place u usually visit to hang with anyone.

things might be very different when u leave later. but so far, it's only you that could knew that well, you knew me when i was mad, and its only that ask how happy was I when alia got back. and im glad that u ask me that, i'm excited! in case you read this, I just wanted to share this with you, I still miss her though, all the things I planned before she got back here, all the places that we wanted to visit, well, lets say that I already erased that planlist on my phone. I had it for couple of months though. guess I'm not used to having the real her and actually having a difficult time management.

well, what else can i say? "goodbye" is all that is left to say, well take care of yourself now okay. see ya in a couple of months? years? ring me up when ur here :)

One Night of 3 Years Celebration

the prom was awesome! I had a great time and so does my friends. we dressed up really nice, the girls was awesomely beautiful and the boys was handsomely charming. hahahahaha. okay. the prom was full of surprised, the room filled with laughs and tears. semua acara yang disusun pas banget, ga lebih, ga kurang semuanya pas sesuai kadarnya. ga disangka-sangka gue nominasi the most archieved. makasih buat panitia prom karena udah mau mempertimbangkan gue sebagai nominasi nya ya. at least I got flowers. hahahahah!

promnya dihibur oleh band anak2 and of course the guest star "ecoutez". emang keliatannya biasa aja. cuma agak keinget aja lagu2 lo jaman sma dulu. in the end of their song, we all danced, hugged, and cried. seakan-akan lo ga akan pernah ketemu lagi. seakan-akan lo dipisahkan secara paksa. gue punya pengalaman yang jungkir balik banget di sma, dan gue yakin ga cuma gue aja yang ngalamin hal kayak gini. banyak dari lo yang mungkin baca blog ini akan berpikir dalem hati "gue juga ngalamin banyak hal yang bikin dunia cukup jungkir balik 3 taun ini". gue berpelukan dengan banyak orang disana dan beberapa dari mereka membuat gue sedih dan akhirnya gue nangis. duaaarr!!! gue sedih seketika. setiap orang yang gue peluk muncul waktu gue pertama kali kenal mereka. not being too dramatic, tapi beneran deh coba lo inget2 gimana pertama kali lo kenal sama temen lo yang skg lo suka curhatin terus ketemu tiap hari sekolah dan sekarang lo gabisa liat mukanya tiap hari. sad, I know

the afterparty not really into me. I had fun tapi ga se-fun itu. I dont drink! woohoo!! I was afraid to tempt myself to have a sip of some booze, but gladly gue menolak. alhamdulillah ya allah.. many offers, but denial keep coming from me. hahahahah. oyeah, I dont smoke either yesterday. gatau kenapa ga dapet aja mood nya. mungkin capek kali ya. the afterparty ended at 4am. gue balik ngebawa diandra yang udah bengong gitu, di kamar gue bersiin make up gue ditemani adzan subuh. god! I felt really guilty. gue tidur jam stengah 6 dan kebangun sekitar jam stengah 8. -____-"

i guess this is our last stop on highschool. the celebration of 3 years.

Last Day Photoshoot

hari terakhir foto buku tahunan means a very exhausting day. bener2 tepar, bener2 menguras seluruh tenaga gue. kebetulan hari itu gue baru tidur jam stengah 4 pagi. don't ask, you'll know. gue terpaksa dibangunkan jam stengah 9 oleh telpon dari pipit dan 5 menit kemudian terdengar suara ketokan dari jendela kaca gue which means reza babi udh di rumah gue. fuck!. ngobrol-lah gue sama si binatang jalang itu dan gue muai siap2 buat pergi ke alpus, karena sebagian panitia harus siap2 buat foto. gue ke sekolah dan cabut ke rumah lia. wush! gue naik mobil bang syarif. I dont know about his issue, but why oh why on earth he wont open up his mouth just to chat a bit. his silence is just sooo irritating.

sampe di rumah lia, gue mulai bantu2 apa yang gue bisa, gue mulai foto dari yang mau dulu. ga ada urutan cewe sama cowo and there's one thing about the last day class. WHY ON EARTH MOST OF YOU ARE LATE?! telatnya sangant kontras sama kelas2 lain. mau complain kayaknya juga bakal menghambat. jadi yaudahlah. foto kelas, anak demi anak, makan siang tanpa makanan, sampe akhirnya jam 4an mulai lah perisapan foto sekat. sumpah itu yang namanya siap2 itu sangaaaaat lama, and I really mean lama banget. belom lagi yg mau balik cepet. kepala gue rasanya mau pecah. panitia yang kerja juga cuma dikit. grrrr, it's really a pain in the ass.

foto selesai jam 8, gue tepar, gue pengen tidur tapi gue ga ada tenaga sama skali. akhirnya gue pergi makan dulu sama anak2 di aw, terus ke rumah nadya. the only thing that cheers me at that time was a valkyrie story. the gossip has never been this big! hahahah. and then I stayed at adika's and gossip a bit until about 2am sampe akhirnya gue tidur dan bangun sekitar jam 6 karena kebelet beol (i'm blaming it on aw's chilli).

well, thats my 24 hour of a very exhausting day. how about urs?

the department of education has delayed the graduate announcement until 17th june, what an asshole. bye!

listening to, everybody else - rich girl, poor girl

photoshoot day 1

Gue = Shafira Anindya = ketua buku tahunan angkatan '09 alpus3. waktu ditunjuk jadi ketua, gue sama skali menolak, gue gamau. diri gue menolak abis2an. gue ga punya waktu untuk ngurus ini, gue harus belajar, buat tes masuk kuliah dan buat uan. where the hell I get the time from kalo gue ngurus buku taunan biadab ini?! and then I ask, 'kenapa gue? kenapa ga yang lain??', and a good friend ensure me, 'karena lo yang bisa buat kayak gini2an.' and that sentence masih gue inget dan menjadi tumpuan gue sampe saat ini. karena gue bisa! gue bisa ngerjain yang gini2! i know i can, i know i can! hahah

so after months of delaying this yearbook project, akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk foto tanggal 1, 2, 3, 4 dan 10. the first day udh lewat. and hell it's exhausting! gue capek pol! tapi seneng juga. hahaha.. seriously, it's fun. walaupun hr ini bukan kelas lo, tapi seneng ga sih lo ngumpul bareng temen sekelas lo lagi. hhah... but hell yeah we suceeded! walaupun ga sesuai expektasi gue sepenuhnya, tapi gue udh evaluasi dan pasti besok bakal dibenerin lagi..!

over and out! eval time!

gue kangen sekolah (I still can't believe it that it just came out from my mind)

ini baru 2 minggu libur, gue ngerasa ini udh lama. gue juga sibuk tapi gatau sebenernya sibuk apa. buku taunan seems organized, belajar buat umb ya emang gue ga niat. sometime i felt bored, gue ga ngerti kenapa? i've been waiting for this time like for how long? almost a year? tapi pas gue dapet liburan panjang gini, gue gatau harus apa? bener2 buang waktu. paling lo bisa tidur lebih malem tanpa harus takut besok bangun kesiangan. lo bisa kemana aja kapan aja. nonton film kapan aja dan apapun lah yang dulu ga bisa lo lakukan sebebas skg.

and at this precise time, di jam gue tertulis angka 10:08, ini udh jam 10 malem, besok udh ganti hari lagi. gue merasa hari ini gue ga melakukan apa2 yang bisa ngebuat hari ini bermanfaat buat besoknya (okay, the sentence sounds sok bijak). waktu gue sekolah dulu. jam segini gue udh mulai beresin buku, terus gue cuci kaki segala macem dan blessss tidur sampe besok jam 6 gue bangun lagi. gue sekolah, gue belajar, gue main. semua kerasa imbang dan gue kangen sama rasa capeknya gue ngelakuin rutinitas itu.

gue kangen ketemu sama temen2 gue tiap hari, and I mean semua. I miss their stupid jokes and pranks they put on other people. I miss everything about highschool, the building, the stupid rules, the catetan yang harusnya gue catet tapi ga gue catet, the feeling kalo ada ulangan tapi lo ga belajar dan rasanya bawa ransel. gue rasa ga cuma gue doang yang ngerasa kayak gini. pasti banyak banget.

kenapa tiba2 gini gue bilang gue kangen? mood gue bisa berubah kapan aja, tergantung dari apa yang gue denger. hari ini gue dengerin lagu2 sedih. emang ga nyambung sama sekolah sama skali, tapi tiba2 aja yg kepikiran sekolah. and it made me sad :( kalo udh kayak gini, please anyone siapa aja bisa kasih tau gue 1 aja alesan kenapa lo harus cabut sekolah? karena menurut gue sekolah udh cukup pas, mungkin ga sempurna di mata lo. tapi itu udah mencakup semuanya dan gue ga bisa minta lebih dari itu.

sekarang tinggal ada 1 event 1 angkatan terakhir, wisuda, and i beg u whoever read this, please made this last event jadi sesuatu yang berkesan banget.. even kita harus pake kebaya kunyit itu.. hahaha..

okay then, i'm off to call someone, ciao!