Monday, January 10, 2011

Logically Heartless

Kenapa 'Logically Heartless'? Karena belakangan ini gue merasa melakukan sesuatu dengan sepenuh hati atau setengah hati atau apapun yang menggunakan hati dan perasaan pasti pada akhirnya akan membawa lo ke perasaan ga enak bahkan kecewa. Dan ini ga hanya tertuju ke suatu pekerjaan aja, mungkin hampir segala sesuatu yang kita lakukan emang harus pake otak, otak dan otak.

Some of you who read this may not be agreed to what I just wrote up there, but I have my own reason. Kenapa? Ya karena pada akhirnya segala sesuatu yang lo lakukan akan membutuhkan alasan yang konkrit dan ga cuma sekedar dengan alasan 'biar seneng' atau 'ya karena emang gue suka', it takes more than that, alasan-alasan yang kayak gitu lebih gampang untuk dibuat-buat atau dijadikan 'excuse' buat melakukan kebohongan lainnya. Ini bukan karena gue ada trauma atau sok-sok capek sakit hati kayak di film dan lagu-lagu sendu, cuma ya karena ini memang lebih make sense aja.

Tapi, maksud gue menulis kalo segala hal lebih baik dilakukan dengan otak atau logis, ini bukan berarti kita ga usah menjaga perasaan orang lain, kita tetep harus jaga perasaan orang lain dengan segala hal yang mereka juga lakukan, mungkin lebih tepatnya menghargai kali ya. Tapi memang bener suatu hal kalo emang dikerjain dengan imbang secara logis dan perasaan ya pasti akan lebih bagus, but in my defense right now, logika bisa memenuhi ekspektasi lo lebih baik ketimbang perasaan ;)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Two Way Monologue

So, hows everybody's new years eve? hope it was great and happy new year! I was at puncak with couples of my friends and I must say it was a blast, puncak never been this fun before, teehee..

Well, it's not about the new years eve or what happened in it that I want to share, it's just another thing that been bothering me (well, not really), it's about how I respond things, you may know I may not be serious most of the time and always joking around, well, I just realize it :D. It's not that i'm proud of it, but sometimes I hate myself too for not being able to came out with a good words to respond to any of your story or your problems, in my argument, I may see some problems from it's brightside and making it a funny thing :)

I always going to hear whatever you want to tell me, even if i'm not going to say anything about it, but trust me, i'm all ears when you need me to listen. And from all the problem I had with responding things, I'm pretty good at feeling things, I experienced bunch of stuff more than you know ;). So whenever you told me stuff and making it a joke it doesn't mean I'm not serious, it means I'm all ears and try to cheer you up :)

I may not be a good responder, but I might have a great argument, sorry for all the things I joke about, sorry for not always being a good responder, goodnight :)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Last Saturday On 2010

It was unexpectedly great, the surprise, the people that I hung with, the food and the atmosphere were just great. Unfortunately, I'm not in a very fit condition, got a flu since 2 days ago and it's killing my throat slowly and its giving me the frog voice. Twitter also down with it's "over capacity" excuse, so I guess why not share it here, even there will be no one reading or maybe just a few reader will read this, but yeah whatever.

Been thinking about getting a job some time later, but I still think that I can't handle the responsible and the pressure. I know that I don't get that many things going on but can I give up my free time? of course there will be money and I will look cool when I tell people that I have a job, but is the money worth the time?

Anyway, what's everybody's plan for new year? Haven't got any idea what to do, not really looking forward for a party, just a small bbq gathering would be nice, but we haven't got anywhere to do it. Guess this will be my last post on 2010 then, see y'all on 2011!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Fooled Around All Around

it's the 3rd night, 3rd motherless night. Where is she? it supposed to be a tour trip around Bangkok but instead just touring, she saw David Foster's concert, yeah David Foster. Jealous much? I do.

Mau ngomong apa malam ini? Hmmm.. udah sebanyak ini post tapi ga gue sama sekali belom pernah mengenalkan lingkungan sekeliling gue, hows that for tonight's topic? I don't really get anything big going on anyway so there's nothing much to tell, so okay here it goes..

FAMILY
So yeah, this is my family, granny and gramp are both healthy, just a common sickness but nothing big. 6 cousins, 1 brother and there's nothing much to talk about. Mom and dad happily married theres not much drama going around here. Some of us going trough puberty and I think thats all. Oyeah, love how our family arrange our vacation, skipping school to go on a vacation is very very cool.

HIGH-SCHOOL

Ya agak telat sih kalo mau ngomongin SMA, about 2 years late hehehe. But this is the very highschooly picture that I got from it. Fotonya cuma buat gambaran aja kok, masih banyak lagi sebenernya orang-orang yang berperan cukup besar dalam kehidupan SMA gue. Ini foto geng arisannya, ya arisan2 sekedar menyambung silaturahmi ya gitulah. Cuma foto ini soalnya yang bagus dan pake seragam, biar kesannya lebih SMA aja gitu.

COLLEGE

Nah, kalo orang-orang difoto ini so far orang-orang yang beneran normal yang akhirnya gue temukan di fakultas gue, di antara cina-cina bedebah dan diantara alay-alay macam ema. Mereka teman-teman gue selama di kampus, since fakultas gue cuma ada 2 kelas dan ya 95% nya ya gitu deh isinya. Dari yang ga punya temen, sampe yang bikin geng yg sampe ada benderanya juga ada, ya cuma inilah segelintir orang-orang normal yang gue temukan dan layak gue jadikan teman, hopefully sampe kelulusan dan jadi sarjana nanti.

Well, so far ya beginilah lingkungan gue, ga begitu luas, tapi ya enak dan bisa berubah dalam waktu yang singkat. Maksudnya? ya the older we get, kadang kita harus bisa nentuin hal apa yang kita mau jadiin sumber mata pencaharian, ya untuk mencapai itu kadang-kadang memang butuh sedikit sacrifice, well that sacrifice also include leaving the hometown.

Pertama kali punya temen yang emang harus merantau ke negeri orang sedih banget sih, kangennya kacau banget rasanya kayak ada yang ilang. Semakin kesini, semakin banyak yang pergi, terus pulang bentar, terus balik lagi merantau. It's not that I hate the concept of going to study abroad ya, tapi gue merasa agak capek untuk kangen sama orang, untuk ngelepasin orang pergi and have to adapt to that person's presence/absence.

To be honest, gue selalu mengingat-ngingat apa rasanya waktu semua orang yang disekeliling gue belom pergi keluar, waktu semua orang masih ada di Jakarta sama2 sekolah. Sekarang sih udah ga kerasa lagi, kalo ada yang mau pergi ya pergi lah, kalo sempet pulang ya pulanglah, rasanya udah kayak mati rasa sama beginian. Gue bukan tipe orang yang bilang 'kangen-kangen' kalo emang ga kangen beneran, mungkin ada bagusnya juga, tapi kadang-kadang kesannya sombong kan. And i'm not blaming you to accuse me for being sombong.

Sepertinya udah semakin malam, kepala semakin sakit saatnya minum decolgen and Jamie Aditya's I Ain't the One keep repeating all over again. Oke, minum obat, cuci kaki terus tidur. I'm signing out! Ciao, mia bella! (That's bye beautiful! in italian)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

when life demands

it always hard to write the first sentence for a new post, but once you started you just can't stop can you? hmm so whats this one going to be about? hmmm... let's see, okay! gimana kalo kita ngomongin sedikit tuntutan hidup? boleh dong ya sekali2, you don't really want to read all my gloomy whine about life kan? so here it goes.

19, semester 3, job less and also lover less. Beberapa orang seumuran gue udah punya pekerjaan dan lover, some just jobs and some just lover. Mungkin memang kuncinya adalah kemauan dan usaha. Ya ga bisa dipungkiri memang semakin bertambah umur, kebutuhan bertambah dan kita harus mulai pintar2 manage keuangan, somehow kita kayak di countdown-in masa2 pensiun orang tua dan kita harus menggantikan posisi mereka. I dont think i'm ready for it.

Gue punya banyak mimpi yang pengen banget gue jadikan kenyataan, beberapa hal yang akan sangat gue kejar adalah pergi ke Amerika, menjadi psikolog anak atau ya yang praktek satu sessionnya bisa dibayar beratus-ratus ribu, punya tempat tinggal sendiri dan menghidupi orang tua gue tanpa merasa terbebani karena itu adalah kewajiban. somehow hal-hal instant yang muncul di otak gue menggerogoti pondasi-pondasi mimpi besar gue dan membuat itu ga terwujud, kalaupun terwujud itu akan semakin lama untuk tercapai. tapi gue akan berusaha kok untuk terus bisa mewujudkan impian2 gue dengan cara yang halal dan baik.

okay, it's the 'lover' topic turn. to be honest gue ga akan menuntut banyak untuk seorang jodoh, as long as dia beragama islam yang baik dan berpenghasilan cukup. in a scale 1 to 10, i'd ask for 7 to 10. hehehehe. okay, here's a question, kenapa banyak perempuan banyak menargetkan untuk menikah mudah? 24? seriously? ya bukannya gimana-gimana ya, actually it's kinda nice having a sweet life of the newly weds when you're still young, mungkin hati lo akan berbunga-bunga setiap bangun pagi knowing that ur loved one going to be by your side and knowing that he/she will be the last one you see before you go to bed, so it's kinda serba first and last with your loved one. to be honest it just look like a movie life, and i think i dont need an hour movie life, i need to arrange my lovelife to be longlast, so gue rasa kehidupan romansa gue yang nyata akan lo baca di kemudian hari lamanya, karena sebelom post ini, all that gloomy posts or tweets, well, cuma gue yg tau apa ada benar orangnya atau tidak.

gue sebenenrya pengen banget ngelanjutin post ini, sumpah, momentnya pas banget, lagu yg lagi gue denger juga pas banget, sayangnya, gue abis minum bricasma, obat ini menyebabkan tremor sedikit di tangan, sebenernya abis minum obat ini harusnya lo langsung tidur, tp gue engga hehehe, okay then, signing out. ciao!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

gloomy woomy

Gatau mau nulis dimana, cuma kayaknya ini kayaknya tempat paling aman buat gue menulis, gue ga akan tau siapa yang liat dan orang juga ga begitu tau alamat blog gue, hahahah.

udah cukup lama gue ga nulis2 disini. so far, belom ada yg memotivasi gue buat menjadi seseorang yg lebih berguna. paling ga gue mulai mengurus hidup gue sendiri, pinter2 ngatur duit since I have many spare time dan kesempatan buat pergi kemana2. ga kayak dulu.

well, here it goes..

ada setiap suatu saat gue merasa kayak kosong, gloomy, mendung aja rasanya, sedih2 ga jelas. labil, i know. setiap orang pasti punya masa2 labilnya, ga pandang umur dan gender, ga bisa munafik lo pasti punya masa2 labil pada saat2 tertentu. saat ini gue merasakan hal itu dan apa ya, gue mikir aja, kita ini terdiri dari jasad dan roh, kalo perasaan ditentukan oleh roh, kenapa jasad kita yang ngerasain? kenapa bisa ada yang namanya sakit hati? kenapa kalo kita kecewa atau sedih, dada kita sakit? kayak ada yg neken, kenapa kita nangis? kenapa jasad kita ikut ber-empati sama apa yang kita rasakan? kenapa ga ada obat sakit hati? I know my complains are sooooooo cheesy and 'labil' ya, cuma ga ada manusia yang ketawa2 setiap saat. there must be ups and downs in your life.

ada hal-hal yang gue rasakan, yang kadang orang sekitar gue ga bisa mengerti. I do count those little things yang sebenernya menurut orang lain itu adalah hal yang sepele, tapi kadang2 menurut gue justru itu titik pelengkapnya. gue orang yang perasa, cukup peka sama hal2 yang kadang2 janggal, kadang2 terlalu berlebihan beranggapan, cuma ya bisa apa gue, buat bisa diterima means 'boleh berbeda, cuma jangan sampe melewati batas kenormalan'. Orang kita belom bisa menerima keanehan yang cukup besar dan sebenernya gue cukup concern sama hal2 yang begitu.

kayaknya gue udah cukup meluapkan keluh kesah perasaan gue saat ini. i'm currently listening to Jason Reeves's Old Fashion Letter, cukup sedih lagunya, mendukung perasaan gue yg cukup gloomy sekarang.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

move + ing

wah udah lama banget gue ga update ini blog, kelamaan malah, it's not that i forgot or anything, i just dont have anything proper to write, hehe. okay let's see here hmmm I got bunch of stories to tell, just doesnt know which one which i have to tell first. lets start with this

1. College
well, what do you know, studying psychology is not as fun as u think it would be. banyak yang harus dibaca dan dipahami. so many slides yang harus gue rangkum, and it aint easy. most of them pake bahasa indonesia sih, but still 2 words would make a weird vocab that hard to understand hhhhhh. o yeah, i got some new friends namanya demia sama acha, they're nice kok. but still they wont be compared to my alpusian, for god sake I miss my alpusian, oh okay, lets talk about them now

2. The past, The present, Hell with tomorrow

okay I admit it, having an 'ga tentu' schedule is sama sekali ga enak, ga sama sekali sih, ada enaknya juga, cuma ya gitu lah, rasanya kayak lebih ga keatur aja, kebiasaan diatur di sekolah, sekolah jam 7 pulang sore and so on seems tempting. gue kangen sama temen2 sekolah gue, I dont know how ya tapi kayaknya tiap anak di sekolah udah di cetak pola pikirnya jadi sama, jadi nyambung2 aja jadi setiap sekolah punya pola pikir beda2 dan akhirnya tiap kita pindah ke lingkungan baru, kita bakal susah nyamain pola pikir lagi sama orang2. hmmm, just something that came out.

gue kangen banget sama temen2 sekolah gue nih kan, but thank god gue dikasih buat sering ketemuan kan. so everything going smooth, ga ada rasa kangen2an, ya cuma ke beberapa orang paling, but the rest seems just fine.

well what do u have left to tell here, hmm lets see.. apa ya.. nothing new except since I have so many loose schedule gue bisa pergi kemana2 nyoba apa2 and i have tried this pizza place called pizza e birra and trust me I highly recommend it! nice view, great food and friendly waiters.

okay, off to surf the net now, ttyl!

currently listening to: Sondre Lerche's new album called 'Heartbeat Radio'